Village Life: What it Takes (Part 2)

Security in the village home needs to be more complex than a Jack Russel guard dog and your “Coup Control” slingshot. There is an Australian in my village who had a very coveted duck, which he boasted no one would ever take. Some short time later, the Australian was enjoying the night, drinking with the other men of the village in the “village bar.” He was having a good time and decided to treat everyone to drinks. You would think he was a lawyer by the way the bartender kept sending him cases. While he was occupied, the teenagers of the village broke into his yard, and chased the duck around until they finally caught it, and shoved it into their bag. They showed up at the bar, duck in hand and from this point on, the Australian would be forever mocked.

The duck was taken that easily even though he had a Sharplaninec guard dog in the yard protecting it. For most people, having this dog protect your yard is a safe bet and if you came across this particular dog, you would be too scared to move. Like you got your shoes from Foot Locker.  To get past the dog all the teenagers had to do was throw a chunk of meat over the fence and the dog was out of the picture. Keep your yard safe with fences, giant dogs, decoys, scarecrows (something like the one above), covered holes and my favorite, wild pigs. Using only a single form of security in your house and you are setting yourself up to wake up jacked, like Spiderman. 

Now lets look at the last three tips for successful living in the village.

Photo by: arjenvdm

Put Away Your Rods

 Catching fish has traditionally been a waiting game, utilizing equipment and baits to hook fish. Equipment is expensive and worms/leeches are hard to find - plus not everyone is a master baiter. Sometimes it can be relaxing to sit and wait for a fish to nibble, but we need fish now.

In Macedonia, there is a fishing technique that has proven to be superior than traditional methods. The only problem you will face is not knowing what to do with all the fish you catch - and your breath will smell like a Bear... I know you are very excited to catch all these fish so lets get to it.

First off, put your rod away. It's useless now. Bait? Don't need it, don't want it. Put it in a stew or feed it to the chickens. Now, wait patiently until nightfall. Get your biggest net and most powerful flashlight and hop in your boat (or head to a dock if your boat doesn't exist). Toss the net into the water and shine your light into the middle of it. After a few moments heave the net out of the water and it will be overflowing with fish.

Long Sticks and Bubble Gum 

There is a convenience store in Carev Dvor, and while they have a tiny selection of cigarettes, snacks and alcohol, their ice cream variety is extensive. Its no Ben, Jerry or Robin, but there’s nothing like an ice cream bar on a sweltering village day.

Now... What if I were to tell you there was a way to get free ice cream? And you have to chew bubble gum in the process. Is that something you might be interested in? We aren't robbing the store, we don't have enough fire-power, but there is an easy way to get free money - on the streets of the nearby town called Resen.

Begging for money is generally done by the Gypsies, and they have a monopoly on any dropped change or fallen birds. But that’s too much work anyways, we are going to use a technique that the children have been using for years.

Quick, grab a couple strong, lengthy sticks and chew a few pieces of bubble gum. Hustle over to the shallow street vents in the town square. From here stick bubble gum on the end of one of your sticks, and use the other to start poking around for loose change. Once you find a coin, press down really hard with your bubble-gum stick and pull it up slowly. Just a couple more times and then, free ice cream.

Usually moonshine is kept in a jug. In Macedonia we use plastic water bottles.24 Hour Moonshine

Making moonshine is a long process, sometimes it takes over 24 hours to get the mixture right and is usually made with plums or peaches. It is a very complex process, one which I still have not mastered, but here is what you need to survive the long night.

Obviously you need to make sure your supplies are right.  Pack the wrong things and it could be an excruciating night. Enough fire wood is the most important thing. Also make sure you have cigarettes, chestnuts, smoked meat, Turkish coffee, and backup cigarettes. A radio or some sort of music device is reccomended, otherwise you will most likely have to listen to some guy who just cant quite play the harmonica or banjo. Its a long night, but in the end, you have a liquor that as they say in the village, "puts hair on your chest."

BONUS TIP: Free pets

If you are looking for a free pet or for some, an afternoon snack; here is a trick that almost never fails. Find an area with birds, rabbits or other small animals. Using a long string, a stick and a box along with some bread or other food, you can catch them all. Just tie the string to the stick, prop the box up with it and put bread under the box. When your prey is enjoying what it thinks is a free meal, yank the string and you got it. Remember, if you do not get over to the box quickly enough, you could lose everything. Hopefully you end up with cool pet like this one.  Happy trapping.