"Flashion" Forward

By Charmaine Gratton

I used to have a bit of an on-line shopping addiction. I've skimmed many a clothing site out of curiosity, and wound up with a dent in my credit card and a surplus of statement pieces. My habit led me to some strange places on the internet, and I kind of liked it. Every now and again I’d come across something and think, "Wow that’s so crazy, who would wear that?" And then it dawned on me, hell, I would wear that. Some people would argue that flashy clothes are a cry for attention, but in the words of 3LW, “haters gonna hate.” It’s your body, whether you feel like rocking the just-out-of-bed look or decking yourself out like a Club Kid, the choice is yours. I am about to take you on a magical journey to the land of Flashion (you guessed it, flashy fashion). Life’s too short to wear boring clothes.


Open your minds people, let’s ACCESSORIZE.

Wow, what is that? Is it a refreshing carton of unicorn milk? No, unicorns don’t exist (yet) but this purse does! This Legend Dairy Bag by DK Design is a quirky statement piece that is sure to quench your thirst for fashion. This magnetic-clasp purse has just enough space to fit your wallet, cell phone, and a handful of glitter.

What better way to say “this is exactly where my nipples are” than with a skin-tight rubber dress? Prepare to sweat through every pore of your torso in the name of fashion. The Bubblicious Skater Dress by Devowevo would look great with some PVC platform shoes and patterned leggings. The best part – if you’re a spill-prone drinker – liquid rolls right off of you!  Party on!

Your clothes should elicit an emotional response, like the excitement you feel unwrapping the foil of a well-built burger. If you want people to salivate upon your arrival, look no further. This Hamburger Pullover Sweater by Voglee helps you capture the tantalizing flavour of a double cheeseburger, without the grease. Well, depending on your skincare routine.  

It’s hard not to be noticed when you’re eight feet tall!  The Quozmopolitan Platform Shoes by Y.R.U. combine holographic PVC with a chunky, foam platform to make any aspiring fashion muse pedestal worthy. Pair them with baggy sweatpants or a little black dress. Just don’t attempt to run… And maybe avoid stairs. If people make fun of you, just look down at them and laugh then crush them with your giant feet.

Ah, then there is Etsy; the great garage sale of the internet. If you’re not familiar with Etsy, imagine crafters of ranging talent, from folk artists to glue-gun enthusiasts, connected to the public by the wonders of Paypal. Light It Up Clothing  specializes in glowing snapbacks, even offering custom orders. Now everyone can know what’s on your mind, even in the dark.

This has been a brief adventure in Flashion. Happy travels, and may the Shipping Gods smile upon you.