Fiction: Insect Kin

The music coming at me through my little head phones was a soft and slow ballad. It made me picture myself in that moment as if I were in a music video. There I was, staring out the window longingly in an almost empty city bus. Surely the image was lovely yet sad.

My head jerked up as my phone had started vibrating in my sweater. I had completely forgotten that I was in the middle of a text messaging conversation with my closest female friend, Janet. It was easy for me to forget that as I was really looking forward to my night. One of my childhood friends, Darren, was coming back home for a week. He was attending university in Portland, Oregon which was eight hours away from home for him. This also happened to be the week of his birthday and he figured none of his friends from home would remember. I knew this because his cousin phoned me. So, I took a bus to his house where we would be throwing him a surprise party.

I had moved away from the township for quite some time. This bus ride had already gone on for so long; I just wanted to sleep. That’s why it was really bothering me that Janet was keeping me up with this conversation. But Janet was a really good friend and she was in a time of personal crisis. She had fooled around with her sister’s boyfriend and was overcome with guilt. I was of course by her side and tried to reassure her that she wasn’t a horrible person, but I couldn’t help but think about how I could never imagine doing anything like that to my sister. It was a little too much information for me to handle but it wasn’t as if I could tell my friend to hold off and come talk to me about it later.

Pink and blue lights caught my eye from outside the window. I recognized the establishment emitting the lights to be the mall in Scarfield. That meant that I had gone too far, unless the bus was doing some detour I was unaware of. I rushed over to the bus driver to inquire about this problem.

My good mood had considerably dropped as I walked off the bus into some station named something I could not pronounce. This all had to be happening on a cold day in November. However, I was fortunate enough not to be completely stranded. All I had to do was phone up Darren’s cousin, Jennifer.

The metal of the bench was freezing so much against my rear that it felt like a burn. I really don’t know why I sat down; I guess I was embarrassed to look lost. By the seventh ring, my heart was hammering rapidly as I panicked on the inside. Out of all the calls we made between each other over the past week, why was she not answering at this particular moment? My spirit sank as I heard her answering machine. I began to furiously text Janet about my dilemma, never having heard the buttons click so loud. I was interrupted by a phone call coming from an unrecognized number. I answered it hurriedly but did not distinguish the voice on the other end; it definitely was not Jennifer.

It was funny. The voice sounded astonishingly like my older sister.

“Hey, is this Courtney?” she asked coolly.

“Yes, it is. And who is this?”

The stranger laughed and introduced herself as Victoria, a friend of Darren’s I had never met. Jennifer had to run an unexpected errand. I explained to Victoria my predicament, to which she was much help. She knew exactly where I was and exactly where I had to go to wait for my bus. She was also apologetic about the fact that she couldn’t come pick me up. She even assured me that I wasn’t completely absentminded for missing the stop; apparently it was a mistake a lot of people made. The best part, though, was when Victoria told me that she would stay on the phone with me if I wanted the company. I was a little moved by this. That was exactly what I needed.

We talked for quite some time and she kept reminding me more and more of my sister. She was funny and she seemed to be full of advice. I had so much fun talking to her that I almost wasn’t aware that I had missed the bus, that I was alone or that I was even cold.

I had to tell her how much she reminded me of her. And then I had to ask her the most stupid question I had ever asked anyone. The question itself was not stupid. There was no way I could have known. I know that I don’t deserve to beat myself up over it, but I still do. A day has not passed that I didn’t play it in my head.

“Do you have any siblings?”

“I used to.”

I couldn’t ever have imagined that response. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t breathe. I just wanted to hang up and go back home so I wouldn't have to face her. I had never felt so horrible about myself. In my eyes, Janet could have slept with everyone in the world’s boyfriend and not feel as bad I did.