Introductory Post, now go away.
Friday, January 27, 2012 at 6:18PM
I found myself sitting at my laptop, thinking. My first blog post, I figured I better make it good, make it vile, spiteful and funny. I scoured my mind for various subjects to write about. I figured that maybe I could write about the most recent Transformer’s film. Yes, that could work. I could talk about the audience; maybe I could say something like “wretched adventures with dysentery are more pleasant than the audience present at this showing of Transformers: Something of the Americana Nationalism Wank-Propaganda. Then I realised that the audience was comprised mostly of 13 year old, and I had a less than pleasant conversation with a judge last time I said anything involving dysentery and 13 year olds in the same paragraph.
So, I was back to square one. “Not a problem” I thought to myself, “There are plenty of other things I hate.” Maybe I could yammer on about how much I dislike American Idol. Theeeeere we go, that’s what I would blog about. Jokes were already popping into my head, I could say that even on my low-resolution TV I could still see Steven Tyler’s STD’s. The only issue with this is that I haven’t actually seen an episode of American Idol in about a year, so my spite was stale. No problem, I could just watch a new episode. I fire up the TV annnd the cable is out, thanks Rogers!
Now I am writing about how much Rogers suck. I compare their service to anaesthesia-free surgery, starvation, CSI Miami and other unpleasant things. I come back to the piece a little later and now that I have some distance from it I see that it is jumbled mess of curse words, most of which made little sense. I mean what does “fucking cable poo-mess” even mean?
I was running out of steam, I decided to go online to find something to get angry AH HA, Polls displaying how well Newt Gingrich is doing in his bid presidential nominee. “Newt Gingrich! Fuck that guy!” I thought to myself, I got ready write when...It hit me. I had run out of steam. I just could come up with anything to complain about, aside from the obvious “He is a monster ha ha ha jokes.”
I decided to get some fresh air. Why does it have to be cold? What’s the point to this, all it does is make my unmentionables shrivel. Also, why do news stations treat disaster footage like it’s a fucking Hollywood action movie trailer? Why is that 90% of anything ever made these days just a remake or a sequel? Why do people think that “Go Your Own Way” is Glee song? No it is fucking not, it is Fleetwood Mac . Why do hamburger buns have the smaller, flimsier bun on the bottom? THE WEIGHT OF THE MEAT AND TOPPINGS ARE BEARING DOWN ON THAT TINY BUN, MAKE THE BOTTOM BUN BIGGER SO I DON’T HAVE TO EAT A BURGER UPSIDE DOWN!
Welcome to how my mind works, you will all regret this.
Reader Comments (1)
I share your distaste for CSI: Miami.