Harper Claims Throne in the Kingdom of Robotic Oil Monkeys -- DND's largest investment approval in robotics

Optimus Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced the 45- billion-dollar DND robotics investment this morning outside 24 Sussex drive. The successful federal and municipal campaigns gave the Conservative Cabinet the power to invest in prototypical humanoid technology. The Honourable Mistress of Finance, Tin Woodman, promised that the economic plan would not involve cutting services. 

 “The Conservative Party will need to develop 50% new Canadian population from robotics in case the Left finally learns how to divide and conquer,” Woodman said. “We will do this and have new jobs waiting for the robots all the while not cutting services or raising taxes...but we will need more monkeys.” 

Woodman was quoted on this after a $30,000 helicopter ride from McDonalds to Starbucks, stopping at an all-you-can-refill oil drive-in between.  

Studies show that Conservative Cabinet research includes all aspects of control systems: linear and nonlinear control, robust control and optimization using linear matrix inequality (LMI) framework. The applications focus particularly on control of electromechanical infants, robotic arms and pneumatic actuators involving compulsive behavior. Later that morning the Honourable Mistress of Defense, Robo Cop, addressed his press with Cabinet Mistresses T-1000 and 3-CPO. 

“I want to thank the Optimus Prime Minister for putting together the political dynasty we have with the Fords here today, and T-1000 is doing an excellent job of cleaning up the NDP mess in Toronto,” Robo Cop said. “We started cleaning up the left-wing mess federally in this area; Darth Vader is doing it municipally, and now we have to complete the hat-trick and clean up provincially as well. More Robots…we need more robots…bring on the robots.” 

Researchers are intending to develop new methods of nonlinear control for highly nonlinear dynamics based on the humanoid production, power of individual (Corporation), vectors algebra, and suicidal formalism. Research in this area focuses on the development of new control methods for robot manipulators and mobile robots using intelligent control based on Neutral Networks, Fuzzy Logics, and Genetic Algorithms. 

Scientists argue that it is not morally permissible to employ autonomous mechanical citizens in Parliament.  It is argued that the use of robot development will make the horror of personal expression asymmetric and, by doing so, will remove the primary barrier of communicating without emotion, while struggling to appear human. 

Stephen Harper was recently spotted teaching the right-winged Monkeys of the West how to drop cow dung on the thousand Tar Sands protesters, according to Cabinet Mistresses (who were wasted), were only dozens of protesters. The monkeys first area of attack is to assault Family Guy air-time space and release Liberal and NDP attack ads. Karl Marx met with the chimps earlier today to discuss their role in the Ontario Provincial Elections. 

“Oo ee Oo aa aa,” the Monkeys said. “Oo ee Oo aa aa, ting tang, walla walla bing bang.” 

And with a swift mechanical extension of the arm, Harper sent them through the air and onward toward the Wicked Witch of the West, holding his requests for the enchanted axe. It is speculated that Harper has also requested approval from the Winkie Tinsmiths to repair him after the death of the West, and carry him and his companions to Emerald City.