Crossing the Line? Christopher Rouleau and the Toronto Etiquette Project
Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 4:04PM In December of 2011, Christopher Rouleau decided to take action when he became overwhelmed by all the ignorant and rude people in his hometown of Toronto. People concerned with etiquette are often misconstrued as stuffy and uptight finger-wavers, but Mr. Rouleau stresses that he is simply striving for a better city experience for all its inhabitants, not accuse people publicly and embarrass them. Mr. Rouleau is somewhat convinced that the majority of etiquette offenders are simply oblivious to their own rude behaviour – and that’s where he steps in.
“I think people sometimes just forget that there are other people around them. And it's funny in a city as big as Toronto, as populated as Toronto, that we forget that.”
To combat this ignorance, he’s armed himself with a handy stack of “Just thought you should know…” cards that he’s designed himself. The cards available for you to print out on his personal website () and offer polite advice such as Dear Transit User: It would probably be better if you didn’t over-perfume/swear loudly/take up a seat for your purse/leave your garbage/put your dirty shoes on the seat etc. He finishes the notice by adding Imagine if we all did this. Not very awesome.
This is what the cards look like, and you can find printable versions on his website
Another one that I whole-heartedly agree with is the one addressed Dear fellow human being… and goes on to politely request that you not be so rude and disrespectful to that cashier/doorperson/barista/food server/custodian and so on. There are people who think Mr. Rouleau has crossed the line into rude behaviour himself by doing this, but I can sympathize with his intended goal. He wants people to look at each other as people again, not just another piece of machinery that serves us like some bank machine. The art of conversation is dying, because people are too self-involved to put down their mobile phones for two minutes in order to actually interact with another human being (who is trying to serve you! I don’t think a little respect is asking too much.)
Mr. Rouleau carries these cards in his pocket and hands them out on buses and other public places. Now, as a woman, I don’t see myself actually doing this. Common courtesy is important, but I’m not willing to get punched or screamed at from some crazy person who doesn’t want to hear it. A better idea would be to have these messages posted publicly in high traffic areas, and start treating them as by-laws that are enforced accordingly. In other parts of the world I’ve been to, there are signs on the streets that let you know that swearing or spitting on public streets carry a fine, and they will be enforced. I don’t want to live in a country where everything is a crime, but swearing and being obscene around children or the elderly (or anyone!) because you’re too busy to notice they’re there is just unacceptable and so easily avoided. It’s just a matter of being self-aware and having a little respect.
What do you think? Have we reached a point where we need strangers handing out “smarten up” cards in the streets? I don’t like to think it’s gotten that bad, yet. Since there’s an “awareness” month or week for just about everything, why not have a “reward polite behaviour day” or something? The radio stations could have contests that reward the people who make our days a little brighter with his or her friendly service or that bus driver who always stops for that poor schmuck running in the rain.
As a society, we should stop focusing on the negative things and start emphasizing all the little things that we can do to make this a friendlier planet.
If you’re not sure if you’re an etiquette offender, please check out this video!
Reader Comments (7)
Rouleaus' idea with the cards are in one way hilarious, but another sad that it has come to point where citizens have to be reminded that they are not in their own privacy. I realize now, that I have gotten older that my old abrasive ways were looked at with disgust. I now find myself telling friends to stop acting so negatively when around anyone but mainly children. I do hold faith in our future of manners, even though it seems lost at points.
I love the idea of the cards, and also agree that I wouldn't want to get punched in the face for handing them out. In today's society everyone seems to have become so self obsessed because we can personalize so many things to our specific wants and needs that we seem to forget that there are a few billion other people out there doing the same thing. You may not be able to please everyone all the time, but wouldn't it be nice if we at least tried when we're in a crowd? The idea of an awareness week would be awesome! How about even just "Aware that Other People Are Around" week?
Great blog, Sarah! It's fascinating - as Canadians we pride ourselves on our politeness, and the rest of the world often comments on it: Q: How do you get a bunch of Canadians out of a Florida bar at closing time? A: Ask them to leave.
Or: How do you tell a Canadian? Someone who apologizes when YOU step on his or her toes.
And then again:
Why did the Torontonian cross the road?
To avoid passing an acquaintance.
And I have to admit - I used to live in Toronto. And I have done that last thing.
The general lack of awareness many are developing is quite likely linked as Anna suggests, to the simple fact that we don't interact as much with others, because we don't have to.
People do have to be taught manners, and also be shown why it's good to have them. Ie. We ALL benefit when people are considerate of others, because at some point, the other is going to be you, and you'll be grateful someone held open a door, helped you pack up a dropped bag, moved their stuff from a bus seat and chose not have a detailed personal conversation that you, a stranger, don't want to listen to.. The list is quite endless.
The art of conversation - often, it's simply a matter of asking a question, and genuinely listening to the response. If you do this, I guarantee people will consider you the most charming person in the room - because you let them talk about themselves! (Though you may find the courtesy is not returned - oh well. It's a start.)
Alex:
I can totally relate! In my teen years, I was pretty self-involved and had this entitlement thing going on. I didn't care who heard what I said or how stupid I sounded. It seemed \"cool\" not to care. Looking back now, I'd like to kick my own butt. A little common courtesy and respect goes a long way in public places, and it's the least we can do to make everyday a little more pleasant for everyone.
Anna:
I love your idea of \"Other People Exist Week\"!
You're right -- you can't please everyone all the time, but a simple smile or apology when you bump into someone should be standard. All the things on those cards should be common sense, and it's sad that so many people still don't have a clue how to act properly in public. This stuff should be taught in schools, why isn't it? That kind of thing was common in the 50s and 60s, and I'm not sure why it got swept under the rug. If parents aren't going to PARENT then people have to learn this stuff somewhere.
I think this is extremely insipiring! It makes me want to print out some cards and hand them out to people. I get why you'd be scared of getting beaten up - because there are psychos out there - but maybe organize a day where you and a bunch of close friends can do it too! That way nobody will pick a fight with you, because the psychos only fight against one person... you know, because there psychos. Once I opened the door for this guy and he said 'thank you!' I remeber saying 'well thank you for saying thank you!' and he laughed so hard, he though i was joking, but i wasn't. seriously a simple please and thank you can go a long way... can you believe there are commercials for that now?!
Thanks, Moira!
Oh my gosh -- laughed so hard at the Canadian jokes because they are so accurate! In general, we are the most polite country, but there's still a lot left to be desired. Maybe because we hold a higher standard and want to meet that expectation, we're more sensitive when it comes to bad behaviour?
I'm also guilty of hurrying around a corner to avoid an acquaintance, usually because I'm too busy or I...wait for it... find them rude.
I also agree with Anna's point that we've all become lost in our own worlds, thinking we are the center of the universe and caring more about our online personas than our real life ones.
Yesterday I would've been close to believing that the art of conversation truly is dead, but on my way home from school a charming man struck up a conversation with me about my hat (it has cat ears and an angry cat face and gets a lot of stares!) We talked for almost 30 minutes and it made my bus experience much more enjoyable than when I sit there with headphones in trying to block out the world.
He totally proved your point about allowing people to talk about themselves and really listening. He also gave me his seat on the bus, which goes a long way with me. I guess chivalry isn't quite dead yet, either!