Welcome to Cage Match, where I review bad Nicolas Cage movies in one hundred words or less, while simultaneously sorting them into one of three categories: "so bad it's good," "so bad it's just bad," and '"so bad it's boring."
GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE
Spirit of Vengeance plays fast and loose with some of the more subtle canonical details from its predecessor, but that doesn’t matter, because it’s absolutely ridiculous. This is the kind of movie that’s more concerned with projecting an image than actually being, you know, good, and it does it well. From giant, flaming, skull-motif quarry equipment fights to Nicolas Cage pissing fire off the back of a moving truck, Spirit of Vengeance is a hilarious attempt at realizing the elusive concept that is being "metal". It's boring at times, but that's okay, because it's utterly ridiculous.
RATING: SO BAD IT’S GOOD
Some of the generally recognized skills that are important to an assassin are the ability to seem inconspicuous and blend in wherever they are. As hit man Joe London, Nicolas Cage is somehow good at neither of those things.
Set in the eponymous city, Bangkok Dangerous is a surprisingly dull action movie that has occasional moments of competency. Its main story line meshes very poorly with a romance subplot wherein Joe falls in love with a blind pharmacist (played by Charlie Young). For a movie that features time as a motif, Bangkok Dangerous is a total waste of it.
RATING: SO BAD IT’S BAD
THE WICKER MAN
This movie is infamous for its hilariously bad acting and CG bees. Unfortunately, all I could get my hands on was a version of the movie that didn't include the well-known "NOT THE BEES" scene. This actually helped me realize something: This movie isn't good. It's not boring, per se - there's enough going on that I could actually follow the story - but it's still just bad. The Wicker Man tries really hard to be the kind of movie that makes you question the reliability of the main character's perception of events, but even that doesn't serve to make the movie worth watching.
RATING: SO BAD IT'S BAD
Sharon van Wyngaarden
Sharon van Wyngaarden is a student in the Professional Writing program at Algonquin College. She enjoys taking long walks, drinking tea, and reading a good book. She also loves spending time with friends – especially if it means subjecting them to the torment that is watching terrible Nicolas Cage movies.