The three most significant moments in the past five years seemed like they happened a million years apart, not within the span of a few years. The first moment started when I had made the bold step to move out with my significant other at the age of 18. Though I wasn’t experiencing complete independence, I was with someone who had experienced living on their own for quite some time, so it was still frightening and thrilling. Since a young age, I had looked forward to the day I finally experienced being an adult and moving out into the world on my own. I was moving from the country to the city, and I was leaving high school behind and trading it for real world responsibilities.
Afterwards, I moved on to my second most significant moment during that time; starting my first year of college, after taking a nerve-racking year off. Though I had some trouble deciding exactly what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, all within a year, I thought I had made the right decision by pursuing an education in Graphic Designer. I had been overwhelmed by the number of classes and material I was learning during the first semester, but I was determined to start looking towards my future and getting into the real world.
Not long after, I had started to realize I had chosen the wrong course, and followed a fleeting passion. I no longer had the interest in graphic design as I thought I had, and it had become more of a hobby then my life passion. During the hard times that I had faced when taking the multimedia program, I had picked up writing to fill in the boring times in class, or when I lacked motivation to attempt any effort towards my assignments. That realization brought me to also realize just how much I loved writing and reading, and always have, since I was younger. It was a passion before my life had been changed by embracing my slight independence.
While that turn around happened in my life, for the better, another turn around decided to stumble its way into my life, making its appearance as the third most significant moment in the past 5 years. When I realized my passion for writing, my significant other had realized his lack of passion for our relationship, but couldn’t find it in his heart to let it end. I had suffered through a few months of mental and emotional abuse from the relationship, as I tried to grasp on to the one positive thing in my life at the time; my school and writing.
I was then taken from a stable life, with a full-time income and cozy little apartment, and thrown into the ultimate ‘real world’. I was left on my own, unable to return to my parents place due to the aid of OSAP, only able to work part-time. I brought along with me two lovable cats, who have become my forever home and family, no matter where I am. Though it was difficult for a few months, living literal cheque to cheque every month, barely able to make ends meet. I managed to pull through, carrying many heartbreaking and strengthening experiences with me. I had become a better person in the end, because of the hurt and trials I had to face alone. Though the situation had also greatly affected my school and social life, I was still able to get back up on my feet as well, and continue down the path of my passion.
My anger and hurt fueled my creativity, and I found I was also a better writer out of the experience, with new ideas to add into my stories and work. Along the way, I found a new motivation and overall, just felt like a bigger and better person. It has now been a year since that earth-shattering day, where I had lost a large chunk of my life, and almost lost my passion.
Since then, I have continued to embrace my complete independence and will to handle anything life wants to throw at me. I have caught up with my education, and even managed to further pursue my goal career, as a freelance fiction author, officially published. To distract myself from the depressing and warped world around me, I started to tap into the online world of self-publishing, and creative writing. I published the first few chapters of the first fiction-romance story I had attempted.
I was so nervous, with the newly found feelings of insecurity and self-consciousness after losing my significant other, I was afraid I was going to get a lot of negative feedback on my story, or nothing at all. My motivation was deep in the gutter at that point. A few weeks had gone by, and I was ready to give up on continuing the story; until a spark ignited. Something happened, as if my silent wish had come true overnight, and I woke up to very few comments and likes on the chapters I had published. They were small words of encouragement, but they were enough to continue to restart the fire of passion. I knew I had to share my work with the world.
Before long, I had hundreds of comments, of all different kinds of feedback and criticism. Many readers had commented that they could connect with the characters on a personal level, and that was one of the few things I had always hoped to achieve when it came to my writing. My characters reflected how I am feeling and thinking, and all have a small part of myself in them. During the time that I was writing my story, I was depressed and uninspired, but still driven and determined to make something of my passion and ideas.
The day had come when I finished the story; my very first story every completed, and self-published entirely. I was amazed I had come to that point, and was still receiving such positive comments and reviews. It was then, another great realization had come to me. I had started to question my ability, and myself. Was I being too hard on myself? Was I undermining my creativity? I was being too hard on myself.
From then on, any idea that popped into my head, big enough to stem a story or plot off it, I went for it. Every story since has been quite successful to my expectations, when published online, and I have now gained the confidence to maybe one day try and have my books officially published. None of these feelings could have been possible, I feel, if the events and moments that occurred over the past five years didn’t happen. I would not have come to find the confidence and motivation I have now, to pursue my passions, and live life to the fullest, in any way that I can regardless of what is thrown my way to try and veer me from my path.
But like many have said, all good things must come to an end, what goes up must come down; you get the point. I went from striking out three times, to landing myself on cloud nine, only to fall bottom first back on the ground, 10 feet under where I was before. Such is life. It brings you up and makes you feel like you’re finally in step with everything, then slips it all out from underneath you and leaves you lying in the dust, wondering where you went wrong.
When we find a new-found confidence in ourselves, one much bigger and brighter than before, we tend to make decisions without thinking, or considering the outcome in the long run. With my own new confidence, I made another bold decision in life, to start over with someone else. Everything seemed great for the first few months, but one thing after another, and I found my confidence slowly slipping away. I was no longer in step with my life anymore, it had ripped the rug from under me.
It was then I learned a truly valuable lesson, one that I will carry with me longer then I will the pain and experience I have endured through the last five most significant years of my life. I learned that you will never be in step with life, but you can be ahead of it. Don’t let yourself fall when life tries to bring you down, be one step ahead and stroll past life with rock solid confidence. At the same time, it’s alright to be one step behind, and take everything slow. One thing in our short lifetime we can never do, is go back. We must live with whatever consequences are thrown at us, and face the fact that there will always be good and bad moments with equal good and bad consequences.
The trick is to find the ones worth living with, find the people worth fighting them for. It took a three strike down fall of constant ups and downs in my life, and being thrown into the middle of harsh reality, for me to realize that. We are never prepared for situations like those when we’re kids, we have no idea what to do. I had no clue what I was doing, and what I could have done to make things better. Looking back now, we are never truly prepared for harsh reality, because there is no way to teach that. No matter what we do, no matter how different our situations and outcomes will be, they will always be different.
Though it was a horrific downfall, and not something I ever want to go through again, I know if I ever do, it might be a bit better than before with the knowledge and experience life has given me, as a small token for putting up with its crap. I will never forget, or regret, the life I have chosen and the decisions that led me down the path I follow.
I have had a passion for literature since the day Dr. Seuss started to make sense. Healthy living is just one of the many other strong passions I have, and combining two great passions is living what I believe is a fulfilled life. Walk through my arranged blogs on the joy and knowledge of healthy living!