Storing anger is self-defeating. A lack of acceptance of your own vulnerability can be a major contributor to the accumulation of anger. Stored anger has not been dealt with. It’s a refusal to express yourself; a denial of the right to do so. But do we know how bad this emotional retraction is for our health?
There have been studies that look at the connection between emotional health and diseases such as cancer. A lot of this is due to the fact that unhealthy emotional tension leads to stress, which has been proven to cause a lot of illnesses.
Often times, when we think about improving our health, we think about getting more exercise and proper nutrition. What we may not think about is the importance of mental clearing—a necessary step, I think, for emotional release and harmony. The restoration of a healthy, happy state of being can be achieved on a much higher level if we learn to clear our minds of garbage. A part of this is learning how to exercise proper release mechanisms, and maintaining an honest, introspective internal dialogue, which reveals your reflexive relationship with the universe.
I used to take it upon myself to try to always be the “neutral one”; the one whose presence does not create any interfering social dynamic. I don’t know why I was like that—it must have been a thought-complex that I picked up at a young age. There’s a lot of ingrained behaviours that we acquire while growing up, and it makes sense because this is the age where we start to become socially conscious of ourselves, and observant of our place amongst others.
This is the first time I’ve been able to articulate this idiosyncrasy of mine. For a long time, in my later youth, I had the constant frustration of not being able to express what I thought. In a nervous effort to avoid conflict, not reacting (being a doormat) became an obsession. I hated tension. I was also self-deprecating in the sense that I internalized a lot of resentment and anger that could have been resolved through self-expression.
I can’t stress enough how negative and damaging it is to hold things in. It never worked anyway—I constantly felt alienated from myself. My efforts to be “inhuman” in my relations with others amounted to self-defeat. You simply cannot always be in control and at ease. Eventually, I would erupt—an involuntary volcanic reaction to built-up anger and resentment over my unmet needs.
Nothing can truly be isolated in its being. A central problem with the ego is that it fights to deny this fact, which can translate into guilt, resentment, and depression. By virtue of being alive in the world, we cannot help but be involved. Underneath it all, life is a series of relational processes.
Blair Scott is a Professional Writing student at Algonquin College, who loves writing poetry. In recent times, she has become interested in the analysis of various sources of health literature, and how consumers come to terms with this multitude of information. Blair currently works at a health food store, but aspires to become a freelance contract writer and editor.